Why does it have to be so HARD?

The weather cooperated yesterday afternoon, so we packed up a picnic,  loaded our bikes onto the back of the car, and went bike riding on Westham Island. Lots of farms-  not terribly interesting though,  so we packed up again and headed over to the dyke in Richmond and rode along there for a while. There are picnic tables dotted along the dyke so we stopped at one for our picnic before heading back. It was really nice to get out and do something active and fun together. It doesn’t happen often enough. Daily life gets in the way and it’s so easy to just fall into the routine. Days like yesterday remind me that life is short and we should seize the day with the ones we love. I know it sounds cliche…

Which brings me to my Mom. She’s got some kind of dementia, probably Alzheimers disease. About 18 months ago she saw a specialist who thought she probably had early Alzheimers, but we took her to another specialist for a second opinion and he disagreed. Either way, there was really nothing to do at that point other than keeping her on the medication (which may or may not help in the early stages) and try to support her as much as possible. Since then her memory has gotten quite a bit worse. She calls me regularly with questions and gets confused about paperwork and things that come in the mail. I’ve taken over her medical insurance claims because she was getting them mixed up. Luckily, all of her other bills are paid via pre-authorized payment. The one thing she is still doing is paying her Visa bill each month. All her life she has saved all her receipts- writing the date at the top and then checking them against her statement each month. Lately she’s been having more difficulty with it. She frequently calls Visa to send her copies of certain bills she can’t find, but for the most part she’s managing that pretty well.

My big concern about her is that she is still driving. Last year after she had 2 accidents close together and her car was wrecked,  then had eye surgery and couldn’t drive for at least 6 weeks we thought we could convince her to give up driving but it didn’t work. After her eye healed, she convinced my brothers to take her car shopping (in hindsight they should have refused) and she bought a new car. She can no longer drive anywhere she hasn’t been many times, and even needs written directions to get to my house reliably. Recently she was supposed to follow me in her car to go to a specialist appointment, but as soon as I got into my car she didn’t know where I was. She had no idea what my car looked like, so she just went home and then was upset with me because she said I didn’t tell her to follow me (of course I did). So- she still drives to her credit union and to stores she knows and to my house. She says she doesn’t drive very often, but I wish she would make the decision to stop herself. I think this is going to be a big problem because she doesn’t see the danger. Maybe it’s going to take her getting lost before she realizes she has to stop. I just hope it’s not an accident that decides for her.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I learned to make soap.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No, I don’t make any actual new year’s resolutions. This year I do hope to get back into better physical shape. I really dropped the ball on fitness in 2009.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my niece had her third son.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, and I’m very grateful for that.

5. What countries did you visit last year?

No travel for me last year, unless you count hops over the line to Bellingham and Seattle. My sister and I did a 2 day road trip to shop in Seattle and it was so much fun. We haven’t had time alone together to reconnect in years and we laughed and cried. I want to do it every year now, at least!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A full-time-employed husband. He wants that as much as I do though. Here’s hoping that 2010 brings a great career opportunity for him.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The actual date numbers don’t stick in my mind, but the weekend garage sale I had in March to raise money for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer was crazy. I almost killed myself and Jon too, but we raised $1700 so I consider it a great success:-) The actual weekend walk in August was an amazing experience. The day my daughter surprised me by turning up back home suddenly after being in Calgary for several months. The day that a doctor told me and my mom that she probably had early stage Alzheimer’s Disease. May 1st, the day that me and my family helped my mom move into her new apartment.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finishing the Weekend to End Breast Cancer walk of 60 km over 2 days, and raising over $2000 for the BC Cancer Foundation.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Neglecting my physical health by avoiding regular exersize.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The soaping supplies from a soapmaker who was going out of business. It was an incredible deal and it really got me jump started with my soapmaking!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My brother’s. He fundraised and then rode his bike over 400km in one day from Kelowna to Delta to raise awareness and money for the Canadian Cancer Society in the Ride 2 Survive. It was an amazing accomplishment.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I wouldn’t go quite as far as appalled or depressed, but I was pretty irritated with the moderators of a certain soapmakers’ forum for banning me. Get over yourselves, seriously. Your loss

My son gave me a few moments to be appalled about here and there (what teenager doesn’t?) and when he was struggling with anxiety and depression early in the year it was pretty sad for me, but I don’t get depressed easily.

My mom’s ongoing struggles with her memory make me sad. I try not to get depressed over it though, just try to help as much as I can.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Most of it went for just keeping us going day to day, but another large portion went to get me set up for making soap as well.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I don’t think anything was quite THAT exciting in 2009, but selling nearly $500 in products at one small craft fair I did this fall was exciting for me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I don’t know that it will stick in my mind for always, but Adam Lambert singing ‘Mad World’ on AI was pretty cool. He made the show fun to watch last year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? A little sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter.
c) richer or poorer? poorer (we’re talking money, right?)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I’ll say it again- physical activity. Also- wish I’d done more fun things with Jon. Life can get kind of routine at times and we forget to enjoy our time together and just do fun stuff.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Eating. Complaining.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family at our house, we had everyone here for dinner.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

No, but I stayed in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Definitely LOST. Can’t wait for it to start again next week. It’s the last season though:-( I also had a lot of fun watching American Idol with my son, Devon. It’s our mom-and-son bonding time. We don’t get much of that anymore so I really enjoy it. Other than that, I don’t really watch TV anymore.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is a very strong word. I don’t have true hate for anyone. There are a few irritating people I try to avoid though.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Time Travelers Wife. Absolutely pulled me in. I didn’t want it to end, but couldn’t stop reading.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don’t really discover music. That’s Jon’s area:-)

26. What did you want and get?
A new washer and dryer- front loaders, they rock.

27. What did you want and not get?
A new kitchen. (not expected, but still wanted!)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Nothing sticks out in my mind other than Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I don’t think it was the best of the series but I’m a big HP fan, so I enjoyed it.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 46. Jon took me out for dinner to the Washington Avenue Grill. It was lovely.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I could have had the kitchen renovated, or finished all the half-done projects on the house.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I’m pathetic in this department, as all who know me are aware. I spent most of the year in my jammies working from home, or in my comfy jeans- mainly because I’ve gained weight and don’t feel good about how I look

32. What kept you sane?
Being loved by a wonderful man.  Having a hobby that I love. Working from home.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Embarrassingly, Adam Lambert. I know, he’s young enough to be my son and he’s gay but he’s adorable and his voice is incredible *shrug*

I also really admire Brad Pitt for all he does for people in need. That makes him pretty fanciable, and he doesn’t look half bad either, let’s face it .

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I really wish I were more interested in politics, but I’m just not. It was pretty exciting to see Obama getting inaugurated, for many reasons.

35. Who did you miss?
I missed Jon’s parents, who live in England. I wish we could see them more often. I also missed my dad as always. I can’t believe it’s been 11 years since he died.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Nobody in particular sticks out in my mind. I guess I don’t meet too many new people.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Make sure the people you love know it, and show them often. You never know when you might not be able to tell them again. (related to my mom’s memory problems)

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

??

Looking forward to seeing what 2010 brings. Devon is graduating this year which is amazing to me. It’s hard to believe the school years are nearly done for us. Can’t imagine what he’ll be doing after that but I sure hope he comes up with something soon. What couldn’t my kids be the type that had their futures all planned out? Well, I can’t complain too much since I was exactly the same at their ages. I didn’t figure out that I wanted to go back to school until I was around 20. I spent a few years making low wages and working much too hard for it before I realized I was the only one who could change that.

I hope to find lots of opportunities to grow my soap business this year. Right now I’m working on soaps and other products  for Valentines Day. I’ve rented a cart to sell at Semiahmoo Centre in White Rock from Feb 7th – 14th. My challenge is to have enough product to fill the cart and make an attractive display, but not so much that I have tons left over when I’m finished. There’s just no way to guess how much I’ll sell, so I’m thinking I’ll plan for enough product to at least triple my costs.

A few ideas I’m working on for Valentines Day Gift Packs:

Triple Delight: A Bar each of ‘Bouquet of Roses’, ‘Box of Chocolates’ and ‘Bottle of Wine’ soaps, wrapped elegantly with a handmade wooden soap dish. The soap scents I’ll be using are English Rose, Expresso Chocolate and White Zinfandel. I’ve already made a couple batches of the Roses and Chocolate soaps– they smell fantastic!

Then for the men, I’m planning a ‘Six Pack of Suds’, which will be a package of six different half-size bars of Beer Soap.  Jon gets the credit for the name- I love it! Here’s a shot of one of my current beer soaps, made with Labatt’s Pilsenser:

Of course, I’ll bring all the rest of my soaps and products along for sale. I’m also thinking of doing some sort of Chocoholics Gift Pack, including a soap, an edible body massage butter, lip balm and bath bomb.  I’ve ordered some new fragrances to try out as well: Extremely Sexy For Men, Love Spell, Lick Me All Over, Chocolate Covered Strawberries and Back Raspberry Vanilla. They all sound incredible. I’m planning some coordinated gift packs of different products with the same scent too. Makes it easy when it’s all wrapped up together.

Off to get started on some more soap!

Last week was my birthday. I don’t get excited about them anymore. Who wants to be older anyway? (besides my teens that is!) Jon is always sweet and finds a way to do something special for me. This year he gave me a card, inside he listed reasons why he loves me. It is just beautiful and something I will treasure. We went out for dinner too and spoiled ourselves with 3 courses. We don’t do that often, so it was a real treat.

My friend Yvette made my day by having a bouquet of pink roses delivered to me! Wow….somehow flowers just make me feel so loved and appreciated. Maybe because they seem like a decadent gift, something I wouldn’t buy for myself.

My kids, on the other hand, were pretty lame about my birthday this year. I try not to let it bother me, but I wish they could put a bit of effort into it. My son remembered and wished me a happy birthday, and my daughter bought me a generic card. Is it too much to hope for a thoughtful gift? Nothing expensive. Just something that shows they thought about my birthday for more than 15 seconds, you know? They could make me something or clean the house for me, or even bake me a cake— but they just don’t. Some years they do better, but maybe it’s just their ages. They are still so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t think about me much anymore. My daughter spent days on end planning her friend’s birthday party and creating a slideshow video for her…..I got a card (not even a MOM card, just a generic card you could give to someone you work with!) That shows you where I rank on her priority list right now! I’m sure when it’s my son’s girlfriend’s birthday, he’ll be stressing for days about what to get for her. (and asking me to buy it since he has no job!)

I guess that’s why I try to keep myself so busy all the time. I wonder how they would feel if all I did for their birthdays is give them a hug or a card?

Actually, with this heat wave we’ve been having it’s been difficult to get anything substantial done. Yesterday I finally decided to try to get the garage a bit organized.Since we had the massive garage sale for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer back in March, the poor garage has never been the same. Stuff was just getting piled up all over the place. So, yesterday I got one side pretty much sorted out, but the back wall and the other side still need serious attention. I’ll get out there again as soon as I get my energy back.

We weren’t able to manage any time away together this summer. Jon was busy with school assignments and a project (paid!) he is working on for someone. He went to the Mission Folk Festival by himself (he goes every year but I’m not really interested) and I went with my sister Sue for a couple of nights of girl time in Seattle. We had such a good time together- lots of talking, shopping and laughing. I forgot how much fun she is to be around. I guess we are usually wrapped up in our lives and responsibilities and we just don’t get to enjoy that side of ourselves much. It was great. We plan to make it a regular thing!

I must get some new photos up of my tomato plants. I’m even getting some peppers on my red pepper plant now. It’s so much fun to see them developing. Everyday I’m out there admiring them like they’re my little babies:-)

Together, they raised close to $400,000 in donations! Jon, my mom and I went to join the welcome back celebration at the end of the ride. (that’s his girlfriend Sarah in the photo with him) It was very emotional to see them all ride in with the cancer survivors leading the way. None of them are professional cyclists, just people trying to help a great cause. This a grass roots organization that has been going for a few years and has gotten bigger each year. You can read much more about them at Ride2Survive.

Each of the cyclists rode in honor of someone in their lives who was affected by cancer. They copy the names onto their legs so that when they feel they can’t go on any longer, they can look down at the names and draw strength from them.  Our family has certainly had its share of cancer. Graham was treated for skin cancer himself a few years ago. Thanks to the great talents of a plastic surgeon, the cancer was completely removed and the scars on his face are nearly invisible. Our dad passed away from cancer 10 years ago. Our aunt died of breast cancer that same year. Another aunt has survived colon cancer twice and is now in her 90′s. Our uncle has brain cancer right now. Jon’s father lost one of his eyes to cancer many years ago.

Graham’s accomplishment has inspired me even more for my upcoming participation in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer this August. I’ve been doing much better with my training lately. I’m trying to walk everyday for at least 40 minutes. I joined a 10k training walk a couple of weeks ago and it was much easier than I thought. 60 km in 2 days is something else…but I think I can do it with the right tools. (vaseline to prevent blisters, some good socks and a couple pairs of good runners)

If you’re so inspired, you can donate to my fundraising directly by going to my online donation page here. If you prefer paypal, just click on the donate button here on my blog. Every little bit helps! Thank you so much:-)

I was doing some searching online for tips for decreasing grocery costs. One of the things that was mentioned consistently was that people who make many trips to the store tend to spend more money on groceries over all. I think we are pretty good about trying to stock up when we see things on sale, and buying staples in bulk when it saves money (we’ve found the bulk buying isn’t always the less expensive choice) but we haven’t taken the time to plan ahead. I don’t tend to bother with reading the weekly sale flyers either.

I’d love to try doing some bulk cooking, such as making large batches of foods that can be frozen ahead of time to speed meal preparation. I like the idea of cooking up chicken breasts and cutting them into chunks and freezing them, pre-cooking ground beef and freezing it in recipe-sized portions, making homemade meatballs, maybe a couple of fully prepared meals once a month like lasagne or shepherds pie. It sure would be great to be able to pull something like that out of the freezer on a busy day and have dinner made. Something else I might try is preparing all the veggies and meat for a slow cooker meal and freezing it- then it’s ready to throw in the slow cooker in the morning before work with very little same-day prep. The trouble is finding a free day to devote to shopping for all the ingredients and then doing all the cooking!

This summer I’m going to try doing some canning. I’ve been making homemade jam for a few years now, but I’d like to try canning tomatoes and maybe tomato sauce and salsa too. I’m going to try to find a good pasta sauce recipe and try to can some of that too. Maybe if my tomato plants do well enough there will be enough to can!

I’ve also fallen behind in posting new auctions for my fundraising. I was put off a little when I sent a message to an Etsy seller asking her if she would like to donate something and she replied calling me a spammer and basically tore a strip off me and threatened to report me to Etsy administrators. She said that her sister had died of cancer and that cancer isn’t something that is appropriate to ‘cold call’ about. Needless to say, I was disappointed and felt a little deflated. I couldn’t even reply to apologize because she ended her message with ‘do not contact me again’

*sigh* Well, I’ve otherwise had great, positive responses to any requests I’ve made but I feel I can no longer send direct messages to sellers. This was the way I’d received most of the donations, so things have slowed down quite a bit on that front.

I’ll have to come up with some new fundraising ideas soon. I’ve got about 3 more months to raise the remaining $916 I need for Jon and I to participate in the Weekend To End Breast Cancer in August. I’ve raised $3084 so far! Some ideas I found online that sounded interesting:

-Bowling party (get lanes to donate towards it and charge admission)

-Brunch for Boobies (invite friends and family for brunch and take donations)

Anyone else have any good ideas that have worked for you? I normally work from home, but when I go into the office I’m planning to bring some homemade goodies to share for donations- that usually goes over well. I missed an opportunity yesterday when I worked at the office. Our staffing has been very high since this whole Swine Flu thing started. I could have made some great donations but I thought of it too late to get any baking done!

Tomorrow morning my family and I are meeting with a professional organizer. Susan (or Heather)  from Good Riddance is coming to meet us for a consultation about our Mom’s needs related to the big move. Moving day is in 3 weeks, so time is getting short. This company has a program they call ‘Practically Daughters’ which does exactly the kind of thing we need in our situation. They assist seniors with downsizing and making decisions about what to keep, giveaway and sell. They arrange movers and packers and help to decide which furniture will fit in the new space. This is one of the issues we are struggling with right now with our Mom. She has a hard time understanding what will fit and what she can realistically keep. I feel uncomfortable “talking her into” selling items that she thinks she can keep (even when I’m sure they won’t fit in the new space) She’s moving from a 1500 sq ft  townhouse to a 850 sq ft apartment.  She really needs a professional, practical eye and a scale floor plan to show her exactly where things might fit or not.

We were planning to show her furniture for sale tomorrow afternoon, but I’ve called that off and pulled the ads I’d placed on Craigslist for the time being. I really believe she needs some time with the professional organizer to make decisions she can be happy with. I’d hate for her to resent us later for encouraging her to let things go before she was ready. She’s been doing really well about making decisions about the small stuff. We have packed up a few boxes for donations already and she’s been working on more herself.

Hoping for a productive day tomorrow!

Recently, my 82 year old Mom was diagnosed with early Alzheimers Disesase. I have 4 siblings, and we have all noticed that the problems with her memory were getting much worse. We worried about her driving and living alone. My Dad passed away 10 years ago, but she’s been doing very well until about this past year. She had a couple of car accidents, and was required to take a road test to determine her safety to drive. She passed the test– I was quite surprised actually. Then she had eye surgery to replace her cornea and the surgeon told her not to drive for at least 6 weeks. Things got much worse then. Suddenly she seemed to not be able to remember anything. She felt trapped and dependant and was very upset about losing the freedom of having a car. I took her to see a Geriatric specialist to look into the memory issues. She had several tests done including a CT scan of her brain. The results showed a global atrophy (thinning or wasting) of the brain tissue which is consistent with Alzheimers Disease. She did very well on the mental status exams, except for anything regarding short term memory. This doctor told Mom she should not be driving anymore which was a terrible blow for her.

Mom lives in a lovely townhouse complex where she moved with my Dad about 16 years ago. At that time, they were both very healthy and functional. Unfortunately, there are no services within walking distance so Mom needs to get a ride everywhere she wants to go. We came to the decision with her that she needed to move to something smaller and closer to services. So, this past month I’ve been driving back and forth from her place (about 35-45 mins one way), taking her to look at properties and arranging things with the realtor to sell her place and buy an apartment. Luckily, I know a wonderful realtor who is not only great at her job, but also a very kind and caring person too. She has been so good to my Mom. I get teary just thinking what I would have done without all her help.

During all of this, my Mom’s memory problems have gotten much worse. She is naturally a very anxious person and worries a lot. This whole thing has almost put her over the edge. The diagnosis, her poor eyesight, her lack of freedom and transportation issues, moving…she’s having a very difficult time. I’ve been with her as much as I can and trying to reassure her that this is the right decision to make, but every day she changes her mind. Yesterday I went there to meet with the Realtor and the property inspector and she was crying and telling me she couldn’t go through with it because she couldn’t handle it and it was happening too fast. Now that the contracts are signed and she’s paid her deposit for the purchase, she sounds much calmer. I guess she will have good and bad days. It’s just so hard to see my Mom cry. This is a woman who raised 5 children with a not-very-supportive husband. It’s really a true role-reversal between us and it’s very difficult and painful to go through.

Not only that, but her brothers, sister and friends keep questioning her decisions and giving suggestions so she gets so confused that she doesn’t know if she’s coming or going.

Besides all of that going on, my son Devon is struggling with anxiety and school and I’ve been taking him to counselling appointments and trying to get him connected with the proper services to help him. My daughter Alison is still living in Calgary with her friend, but they have recently been given notice that they have to move and their hours have been cut at work so they might have to return sooner than planned. She had been hoping to stay there to work until September and then return to Vancouver to go back to school. She’s learning lots of great life lessons, but our relationship has been so much better with her living out, I’m just so worried about her moving back in here. I don’t think that’s the plan- but without money or employment, I don’t know how they plan to be able to get their own place when they return.

Jon has been so busy with his BCIT courses, but thankfully they have just finished so I hope we can get some more time together soon. We went out to a Tweetup in Vancouver last night and had a really nice time. Great to get out and talk to interesting people. We had a few pints and we both fell asleep on the Skytrain coming home. A young guy shook my shoulder and asked “where did you want to get off?” We missed our stop by one, so we had to catch the return train. We just missed the bus so we had to take a taxi the rest of the way home. Still a good night:-)

Things are looking up I think.