Why does it have to be so HARD?

The weather cooperated yesterday afternoon, so we packed up a picnic,  loaded our bikes onto the back of the car, and went bike riding on Westham Island. Lots of farms-  not terribly interesting though,  so we packed up again and headed over to the dyke in Richmond and rode along there for a while. There are picnic tables dotted along the dyke so we stopped at one for our picnic before heading back. It was really nice to get out and do something active and fun together. It doesn’t happen often enough. Daily life gets in the way and it’s so easy to just fall into the routine. Days like yesterday remind me that life is short and we should seize the day with the ones we love. I know it sounds cliche…

Which brings me to my Mom. She’s got some kind of dementia, probably Alzheimers disease. About 18 months ago she saw a specialist who thought she probably had early Alzheimers, but we took her to another specialist for a second opinion and he disagreed. Either way, there was really nothing to do at that point other than keeping her on the medication (which may or may not help in the early stages) and try to support her as much as possible. Since then her memory has gotten quite a bit worse. She calls me regularly with questions and gets confused about paperwork and things that come in the mail. I’ve taken over her medical insurance claims because she was getting them mixed up. Luckily, all of her other bills are paid via pre-authorized payment. The one thing she is still doing is paying her Visa bill each month. All her life she has saved all her receipts- writing the date at the top and then checking them against her statement each month. Lately she’s been having more difficulty with it. She frequently calls Visa to send her copies of certain bills she can’t find, but for the most part she’s managing that pretty well.

My big concern about her is that she is still driving. Last year after she had 2 accidents close together and her car was wrecked,  then had eye surgery and couldn’t drive for at least 6 weeks we thought we could convince her to give up driving but it didn’t work. After her eye healed, she convinced my brothers to take her car shopping (in hindsight they should have refused) and she bought a new car. She can no longer drive anywhere she hasn’t been many times, and even needs written directions to get to my house reliably. Recently she was supposed to follow me in her car to go to a specialist appointment, but as soon as I got into my car she didn’t know where I was. She had no idea what my car looked like, so she just went home and then was upset with me because she said I didn’t tell her to follow me (of course I did). So- she still drives to her credit union and to stores she knows and to my house. She says she doesn’t drive very often, but I wish she would make the decision to stop herself. I think this is going to be a big problem because she doesn’t see the danger. Maybe it’s going to take her getting lost before she realizes she has to stop. I just hope it’s not an accident that decides for her.

Last week was my birthday. I don’t get excited about them anymore. Who wants to be older anyway? (besides my teens that is!) Jon is always sweet and finds a way to do something special for me. This year he gave me a card, inside he listed reasons why he loves me. It is just beautiful and something I will treasure. We went out for dinner too and spoiled ourselves with 3 courses. We don’t do that often, so it was a real treat.

My friend Yvette made my day by having a bouquet of pink roses delivered to me! Wow….somehow flowers just make me feel so loved and appreciated. Maybe because they seem like a decadent gift, something I wouldn’t buy for myself.

My kids, on the other hand, were pretty lame about my birthday this year. I try not to let it bother me, but I wish they could put a bit of effort into it. My son remembered and wished me a happy birthday, and my daughter bought me a generic card. Is it too much to hope for a thoughtful gift? Nothing expensive. Just something that shows they thought about my birthday for more than 15 seconds, you know? They could make me something or clean the house for me, or even bake me a cake— but they just don’t. Some years they do better, but maybe it’s just their ages. They are still so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t think about me much anymore. My daughter spent days on end planning her friend’s birthday party and creating a slideshow video for her…..I got a card (not even a MOM card, just a generic card you could give to someone you work with!) That shows you where I rank on her priority list right now! I’m sure when it’s my son’s girlfriend’s birthday, he’ll be stressing for days about what to get for her. (and asking me to buy it since he has no job!)

I guess that’s why I try to keep myself so busy all the time. I wonder how they would feel if all I did for their birthdays is give them a hug or a card?

Today is my husband Jon’s birthday.  It falls at a particularly bad time this year, as we have both been so busy (he with schoolwork, me with fundraising) that we haven’t had the chance to even plan a celebration. Jon always makes my birthdays very special, so I’m feeling sad that I can’t do that for him today. He has barely slept in the past few days. He’s up working on his homework assignments and trying to help me with the overwhelming task of the garage sale I had this weekend (more about that later)

Jon- the card says it all, but I want to add this:  Meeting you was one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. I don’t know how I got so lucky to find you way over there in England. I’d be lost without you now and I feel like we are two halves of a whole. Me with my over-the-top sometimes unrealistic plans…you with your steady, careful ways. You keep me going every day. Thank you for being there for me, even when it’s nearly impossible for you to do it.

I love you with all of my heart.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

This was in the days before we all had cell phones, so I called the motorhome park to try to find my parents. The person from the desk said she would put up a note for them on the bulletin board because they didn’t seem to be there. My mom still still has that note today. It reads “Daughter in Labour- Help!” Mom says when she saw the note she nearly fainted because she had no idea when it had been posted! Of course, she called me immediately and I told her we were on our way to the hospital soon. They came over and followed behind. The traffic was terrible that afternoon (as always on the California freeways) and my friend decided to drive up the shoulder. We figured that if the police pulled us over, we’d have a good explanation:-)

Turned out that my labour lasted all night. My husband at the time was carrying a ‘daddy pager’ which was loaned from the hospital so that I could let him know if I was in labour. My friend paged it and called his home number over and over all night and he never responded. It was heartbreaking, but I had a job to do and my parents were at my side. I don’t know what I would have done without them. They stayed most of the night, and went out sometime in the morning to get breakfast after I was finally resting with my epidural in place. My mom had never witnessed the natural birth of a child, as all 5 of her children were born via C-section. For most of us she was under general anesthesia too, so she has no memories of our births at all. By the morning,  I wasn’t in any pain because of the epidural and was nearly ready to deliver– my husband finally called. I guess he was probably hoping the baby had already been born so he wouldn’t have to face me or my parents. I made the decision to wait for him to get there before I delivered and the midwife agreed there was no hurry. Looking back on it, I realize I gave him a precious gift of the privilege of being at his son’s birth, but he didn’t deserve it and it’s my one regret about that day. I wish now that I’d shared it only with my mom. It was amazing to have her there beside me when my son came into the world. I will treasure the memory and the look on her face forever. My dad was out in the waiting room. I don’t think he was ready for that kind of experience! He joked afterwards that he’d never seen a baby that was “still hot”   He was goofy but always there for me when I needed him. I miss my dad.

My parents stayed for another 2 weeks and it was so hard when they left. I knew right then that I had to start making plans to move back home to be close to them. My husband wasn’t helping me at all and I needed family around me. 7 months later, my parents came back with the motorhome and a U-Haul trailer. We packed up everything I wanted to take and we headed back to Canada. It was the best move I ever made. No regrets:-)

Happy Birthday Devon!

My Loves:

1) Jon: My very significant, significant other:-) He makes me smile everyday, just by being here. He keeps me steady, slows me down when I’m in too much of a hurry and basically keeps me going! I wondered if I’d ever find someone right for me, but he’s definitely my ‘other half’ and I’d be lost without him.

2) Alison: My social butterfly daughter. She’s a lot like I was at her age; all about the friends and the fun. She is getting prettier everyday and I see as she grows that our relationship just going to get better. We’ve had a rough few years, but I love her through it all and always will.

3) Devon: My sweet boy. He’ll be my baby forever, even though he’s nearly 17:-) Creative, smart and funny. He makes me laugh and frustrates me all at the same time. He’s got a very special part of my heart forever too.

4) Mom: My kind, tiny, loving and wonderful mom. She taught me so much. She stands behind everything I do, even if she disagrees. I’d do anything for her and I know the feeling is mutual. She raised 5 children– an incredible accomplishment for any woman. She stuck with a sometimes very difficult marriage and kept our family together. My mom has a lot to do with the person I am today. BIG love for mom:-)

5) Dad: I miss my dad very much. He died 10 years ago, but I can still see and hear him clearly in my mind. He taught me a lot. He took care of me and loved my babies. He had a tough life and wasn’t always an easy person to be with, but I wish I could tell him again how much I loved him. He was proud of me and that meant a lot. I wish he’d lived long enough to know Jon. Dad would have loved him. He wanted so much for me to be happy and “taken care of” -You got your wish, dad!

6) The Sibs: I’m so lucky to have sibs that I love and can count on for anything. They are all great in their different ways. I know we will always be there for one another. I love them very much.

7) My BFF, Yvette: We’ve known each other longer than any other friend I have. We’ve been through marriages, getting jobs, losing jobs, going to school, moving away, moving back, working for peanuts, deaths, divorce, boyfriends, break-ups, babies, weight loss, weight gain, sadness, fears, joy, and everything in between. She’s been there for me when I thought I had nobody who understood. She’s my rock. She never judges me, just helps me see things more clearly. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She’s my bonus sister. She’ll always be family to me. Love her, no question.

Buster: our crazy little neurotic Malti-poo. I love you even though you’re a little nutty.
9) Molly: our silly, energetic bundle of fluffy Maltese/Yorkie cuteness.

…and the little things:

- my daffodils coming up in the garden
- morning coffee
- toast and peanut butter
- fireworks on a summer evening
- cuddling in the morning after working a night shift
- either of my kids being happy or excited about something
- ice cream
- new appliances
- the first snowfall of the season, especially snowing at night
- Christmas morning
- painting a room a new colour
- watching Jon fix things
- emails from Jon
- Devon emptying the dishwasher without being asked
- Alison calling to check in
- getting cards from Jon
- sunshine in the morning
- fresh, clean sheets
- having a fire on a cold night
- chips and salsa for dinner
- warm feet against my cold ones
- getting sale in my Etsy shop:-)
- Getting comments on my blog!

Post yours on your blog or in the comments. I’d love to read them!

New Years Eve was spent having a fondue dinner with the kids, who both ran off to parties afterwards. I think Devon and I might have poisoned ourselves by eating the chicken. I do remember touching the raw chicken with my fingers when putting it onto my fodue fork to cook it. Probably cross contaminated….I started to feel quite ill a few hours later. Jon and I watched “Slumdog Millionaire” and I had to go to bed before it finished (at 11:30!) because I felt so sick. We finished watching the rest of the movie the next night. Great film if you get the chance– see it! I haven’t seen many good movies lately, so this was a treat.
Backing up a bit, I think it was right around Christmas time; our clothes dryer stopped working. The drum wasn’t turning. Jon took it apart but it wasn’t obvious what was wrong. We did a search online and found that the dryer is about 30 years old. Here’s how our laundry room looked before we moved in:

I think we both realized it was time to take advantage of some Boxing Week sales (I hate that term, it’s BOXING DAY, there is no Boxing WEEK!) Anyway, we bought a set of front loaders at a deep discount, no PST and a hydro rebate of $50 on the washer, no payments till April on our Sears card. We even got the delivery thrown in free of charge. I found someone on Craigslist to come and pick up the old machines, which saved us another $40 Sears was going to charge to take them away. We waited 10 days for them to be delivered and then spent 2 whole days washing and drying everything we could find. The clothes come out of the washer so dry already from the high speed spin, that the drying takes no time at all. We love our new laundry team! Jon even got a new vent pipe and exhaust for it. Now he is constructing some shelving and a work surface to go over top of the machines for me. (Yeay, Ikea) I love order and organization:-)

1) When I was about 7 or 8, I got a Baby Tenderlove doll. The best part was that my mom sewed a doll wardrobe for her, (including matching pajamas for me and the doll) and made a box full of ‘baby care supplies’ for me to go with it. I still have that doll.

2) I think I was 9 when I got a ‘new’ bike for Christmas. I remember there weren’t many gifts for me under the tree and then Mom or Dad said “I think Santa left your gift next door” and my dad went out and came back with my bike and brought it right upstairs into the living room. I didn’t know it then, but it was a used bike that my dad spray painted himself and added new pedals and a new seat. I was so excited! It was orange with a sparkly yellow banana seat:-) Even though I had a cast on my wrist (fell out of my brother’s tree fort) I took it out to the street for a test run.

3) One year my sister was sick on Christmas Day. I think she either had a terrible migraine headache, or something like mono. I just remember her being in bed and missing Christmas morning completely. I felt so sorry for her but she was so sick I don’t think she cared much.

4) My sister and I used to share a room and at one point we shared a double bed. I remember waking up with her so early one Christmas morning because we were so excited. We knew we couldn’t get up yet, so we turned on the radio and listened to someone reading a Christmas story. I remember it was still very dark, so it was probably about 4:00 AM. I think we held out till 6 or 7:-)

5) Every year when I was still at home with my parents, we had Denver sandwiches for Christmas morning breakfast. Now, I make a breakfast casserole and baked french toast so that there’s no morning prep work, but Denvers (with ketchup!) always mean Christmas to me.

6) My dad used to get my mom a new Christmas ornament every year and he’d attach it to her gift, which was always beautifully wrapped in expensive paper (probably by a store clerk!) with a pretty card. I don’t know where he found those gorgeous ornaments, but they were usually very unique and probably handmade. He wasn’t the best at choosing gifts (a microwave oven one year–yikes Dad!) but those ornaments are treasures.

7) My mom’s Christmas baking: Butter tarts (my favourite), shortbread, Paul Bunyan sugar cookies, rice krispie squares, nanaimo bars, mince tarts…..mmmm…

We always found a mandarin orange in the toe of our Christmas stockings.

9) In 1989, Alison was born on December 23rd. We brought her home from the hospital on Christmas Day. It was the only year of my life that I didn’t have a Christmas tree and we didn’t even exchange gifts. We got the most precious gift in the world instead:-)
My ex-husband’s friends brought over all the food and made Christmas dinner for us. I just remember…all I wanted to do was sit and gaze at my baby. It was a wonderful Christmas.

10) My saddest Christmas was 1998. My dad was terminally ill. We all gathered at my parents’ place and tried to have a normal Christmas for the kids and for my dad. He wasn’t able to stay out of bed for long, but he watched us open presents for a little while. We helped him open gifts that we knew he would never use.

11) The first year Jon was here over Christmas, he gave me a digital camera. It was the best gift- a gift that preserves memories. 7 years later, I still love my camera and use it all the time.

12) I n 2004, we sold my townhouse in November and moved in to the apartment while we were looking for a house. It was the only time I have ever spent Christmas away from Alison. She was living with her father in California that year. I really missed her, but we had fun in the little apartment, with the Christmas tree squeezed into the living room and the 2 dogs causing havoc. Buster stole a chocolate orange off the coffee table when we weren’t looking and we caught him hiding in the bedroom eating it! Frantic searching on the internet followed to determine the amount of chocolate that could hurt and 10 pound dog. Luckily it didn’t seem to affect him at all.
Jon created a scavenger-type hunt with clues for Devon to follow to find his big gift. Each clue gave a letter and all the letters together spelled “dryer” which was where he found his Nintendo DS. It was so much fun watching him de-code the puzzle to find his present.

13) Last year, I wanted to send out pictures as a Christmas card. I found some really great ideas on the internet, and ended up coming up with this. The kids had fun with it, and everyone we sent the cards to had a laugh. Couldn’t think of a better idea this year though.

Merry Christmas Everyone, and be careful out on the roads. I think this Christmas is going to be remembered as the ‘Year of the Big Snow’

The middle part of the day was filled with running some errands. Had to go pick up one of my Juicybags that I sold last night so I could get it mailed out, dropped off some more things at work where they are having a craft fair tomorrow, stopped at the post office to get my Etsy orders shipped out.

Alison was at home when I got back with more birthday presents for me and a cute and funny card. In her card she actually thanked me for always taking care of her, but secretly I think that means she can’t wait to get out from under my eye:-) She got me some sweet mini Christmas ornaments of Rudolph, Yukon Cornelius, the Abominable Snowman and Herbie the mis-fit elf. (“Herbie doesn’t like to make toys!”) When we moved to this house a few years ago, I misplaced a box of Christmas ornaments that were very precious to me. I’m still not sure if they might be lost in the crawlspace somewhere- I cling to that hope:-(
She knows I love all the old Christmas cartoons, so she also found a collectors edition of the old 60′s classics: Rudolph, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Little Drummer Boy (which still makes me cry everytime) and Frosty the Snowman. Will be fun to sit down and watch them one night with a fire going and some hot chocolate after we get the Christmas tree up.

Then tonight, poor Jon was exhausted and asleep by 5-ish, so I ordered sushi for all of us and went to pick it up. Now I’m working overnight. Not exactly my favorite thing to do on my birthday, but I had a very nice day leading up to it.

Feeling all warm and fuzzy now from birthday goodness:-)